How to fight well: exploring healthy conflict

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  • Reduce the time and energy that conflict takes up in your life

  • Turn conflict into an opportunity for learning and source of curiousity

  • Develop new skills, build your confidence and make invaluable new connections.


We need to fight better

Having an argument, a fight, a disagreement — these are a natural part of being alive.

We cannot live and work together, expressing ourselves honestly, without falling out.

And the more we want to try new things, make big changes, take bigger risks or start world-changing projects, the more likely we are to experience it.

But only by learning to work with conflict do we get to learn from it.

It’s in conflict that we’re confronted with the most surprising viewpoints, see the rawest, most vulnerable parts of those we live and work with and get to see our own blindspots, unhealed wounds and unchallenged biases.

Every time we avoid conflict by shutting down or soothing we bypass our greatest opportunities to learn.

So it's time to learn how to fight well - to learn how to stay in, stay present and stay learning.

If we can do this, we get to learn more about ourselves, the people we care about and the potential in the relationship.

How the course works

On this 6-week, online course, an intimate group of 8 people will explore what it means to do conflict well.

We’ll meet online for two hours each week to explore a new aspect of understanding conflict and ourselves in it.

We’ll share experiences, questions and uncover what each of us needs to do next to further our own development.

Between sessions we’ll keep in touch via a closed Facebook group and I’ll be available to answer questions by email.

Everyone will be sent a set of needs cards  and a copy of the ebook 'Working with Needs' —  both tools for better understanding yourself and others.

By the end of the course you’ll have a new toolkit, a new understanding and you’ll have tried out some new and scary things (which will no longer be so scary).  

And you’ll have a group of friends you can keep in contact with for help and support.

What to expect

The next courses start in January and March.

Each session is two hours, from 10.00am–12.00pm, UK time.

A place on the course costs from £200.

Among a whole range of things we’ll cover:

  • The roots of conflict and our relationship with it

  • The role of blame and judgement in unhealthy conflict

  • How to stay present and keep learning in difficult relationships

  • Tools for clear communication and seeing clearly

  • How to manage yourself in high-stress situations.

What other people said

Some of the feedback from the first cohort of participants:

“I now have a much more nuanced and mindful approach to conflict, a deeper awareness of my own blindspots when it comes to how I handle conflict and a whole host of new tools to use when I find myself in conflict. I have a group of incredibly supportive fellow participants to whom I can direct questions and with whom I can share my experiences and seek support.”

"I can't stress how much it helped me to modulate my responses, identify trigger points and manage myself when I find myself slipping into unhelpful behaviours."

“This course was so awesome I want to go again. If you’re even a little bit tempted then go for it. Future you thanks you.”

“Full of valuable content, enriching conversations and powerful moments of sharing.”

"A sense of real interest and desire for enquiry has come in alongside the anxiety and fear!  I have something to nurture and grow as a way to engage in conflict."

"I now have courage - belief that there is no need to avoid conflict, only approach it in the right way. Like if you walk behind a horse it will kick you, but if you approach with care and consideration you can ride off into the sunset."

If you'd like to know about how this course came about, you can read more here.